White Lines – Netflix – 1 Season

Urgh, not sure where to start on this one. Netflix’s official site describes this show as a ‘thriller’ and I beg to differ.

Set on the party island of Ibiza, this total clichè of a series turned out to be a chore to watch with each episode seeming to go on forever- rather like a hot, Spanish Sunday afternoon.

The best place to begin deconstructing this show would be the shallow and annoying characters, in particular Zoe, Anna, David (played by pound shop racism apologist Laurence Fox) and Marcus who spend far too much time emphasising the Mancunian accent to put in an acting performance that wouldn’t be amiss in a daytime soap opera. Then there’s quirky “wideboy” Axel played by apparent “rising star” Tom Rhys Harries who makes you want to reach through the screen and give him a slap; if you watch this you’ll soon figure out only has 3 facial expressions- gormless, brooding teenager and sulky.

The show becomes slapstick half way through with the introduction of Zoe and Axel’s father and his crime solving compatriot Miguel from the Spanish police (who by the way, are painted as blundering and incompetent throughout) as each of the characters try to solve a murder… It’s almost as if the writers/producers realise half way through the ten episodes (yes, fucking 10) that they are putting together a glorified and very expensive soap opera, so they decide to amp up the drug use, gratuitous sex, violence and at one point even incorporate incest for no other apparent reason apart from to distract from a narrative that is going nowhere!

The only redeeming features of this show are the characters Boxer and Kika but even then, I think this is because the rest of the cast and story is really bad. More Hollyoaks than anything I’ve seen in a long time, a waste of 10 hours which is saying something given it was watched in the midst of a national lockdown when there wasn’t anything else to do.

Rating: A generous 4/10

Viewed: June 2020

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